Marriage Nuggets

MARRIAGE NUGGETS_BannerMarriage is a beautiful thing. It is God’s creation – the first human institution established by God. (Genesis 2:18-25) God’s plan for marriage mirrors Christ’s love and relationship with His bride, the Church. (Ephesians 5:22-33; Revelation 21:2,9) Marriage is supposed to be a life-long commitment. And if you desire to be married, you must plan for marriage. Love is not blind. It can choose to wear sunshades but love cannot be blind. Ask the right questions before marriage. If you don’t ask the right questions before marriage you will become a philosopher after marriage.

A wise woman will consider a man’s nature before going into marriage with him. Is he selfish? Does he think of others? A wise woman will ask questions about a man’s ability to protect and provide for his family, before going into marriage. A wise woman will consider a man’s plan or vision before marriage. Is he the serious type, or just a talker and daydreamer? Ladies, if you have to push a man or sell him a vision before marriage, you’ll be doing the heavy lifting in the marriage. Deal with the facts in your relationship, not with suppositions and assumptions. If a man cannot afford accommodation, it simply means he’s not ready for marriage. Economics is a major factor in marriage. Without money a marriage comes under serious strain. It’s important for a man to have a job. That’s the standard in scriptures. (2 Thessalonians 3:10) Adam had a job. (Genesis 2:15) The sex won’t matter if a man can’t provide for the family, or if he’s the lazy type. He’ll only attract disrespect.

Marry a good man. The Bible says kindness makes a man attractive. (Proverbs 19:22) Is he kind-hearted? Love matters. Don’t marry someone you don’t love. You will end up despising and punishing the person. Love matters in marriage. If you want to know what a loveless marriage feels like, ask Leah, or the children of Leah. (Genesis 29) Don’t marry hoping to change a man. You can’t change a man. Only God has the capacity to change men. Marriage isn’t a magic wand. Saying “I do” doesn’t transform a man. Can you live with the traits he’s exhibiting? Many divorces are preventable. There are some marriages that should never have taken place. The signs are always there. The signs of a potentially bad union are always there. Only we ignore the signs and overwrite them. The price of unhappiness in marriage is depression.

We all have strengths, and we all have weaknesses. The key is to reinforce your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Nobody is perfect. Perfection is a journey, a life-long journey. Humility is important in life. We must be humble enough to admit our deficiencies, and seek help if necessary. Acknowledge the gaps in your life and be willing to make adjustments. There’s nothing like, this is the way I am, take it or leave it! That attitude doesn’t bode well for a happy marriage. In marriage we must be willing to change, to adapt; and the counterparty must be willing to forbear. Sometimes we’re not patient enough. Some women have lost good men to impatience. Same for some men. They lost good women.

There are 2 broad dimensions to love. The romantic dimension (Song of Songs) and the character-based dimension (1 Corinthians 13) Song of Songs describes the romanticism of love – looks, sexual attraction, romantic intimations. They matter. 1Corinthains 13 describes the dutifulness and character-based dimension of love. These matter greatly. Stop shutting each other down. Stop saying cruel words to each other. Love is patient and kind. (1 Corinthians 13) Love is never envious nor boils over with jealousy. It is anomalous of spouses to envy each other. Love is not boastful. It does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited, arrogant or inflated with pride. Stop behaving as if you’re doing each other a favour by marrying each other. You don’t do anyone a favour in marriage. Love is not haughty. Love is not rude, unmannerly and does not act unbecomingly. Stop being rude to each other. Don’t talk anyhow to your spouse, especially in public. She’s your wife. Respect her! He’s your husband. Respect him!

Love does not insist on its own rights or its own way. Love is not self-seeking. Many marital woes arise from a clash of wills. Couples must mutually submit to one another in the fear of God. (Ephesians 5) Men, testosterone inspires certain behaviour and must be modulated if you want a happy marriage. Love is not touchy or resentful. You can’t be so touchy people step gingerly around you, like they’re on eggshells. You won’t have a happy marriage being temperamental. There are many who otherwise have wonderful qualities but for that! Men can’t handle temperament in a relationship. It’s an emotional spectrum beyond their capacity. Some of the praying and fasting for a spouse will become unnecessary if we simply do behaviour modification.

Love takes no account of the evil done to it and pays no attention to a suffered wrong. (1 Corinthians 13) Some people keep a record of wrongs in marriage. They don’t forgive, they don’t forget. Love forgives and forgets. Love does not maintain a cabinet drawer of offences. Forgive! Forget! A home cannot exist with quarrels and rancour. A house may. Love does not rejoice in injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. You shouldn’t be happy about accusations levelled against your spouse. Spouses defend each other’s honour. You’ve got to show loyalty to your spouse. Every other person is a third party. Love bears all things, believes all things. Those who love each other believe in each other. Love is ready to believe the best of the other party. Love hopes under all circumstances, and it endures everything without weakening. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13)


If you’ll like to give your life to Christ please pray this prayer: “Father, I come to you in the name of Jesus. I know that I am a sinner. I believe Jesus died for me and that you raised him from the dead. I confess with my mouth that Jesus is Christ is Lord and I receive him as my Lord and my Saviour. I am now born again. Amen.”

© Leke Alder |